Break shit down in bits & pieces. 

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Looking @ things from the inside, can cloud your judgement. 

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I'm an avid believer in writing, more so, before I express myself verbally to others. Writing allows me to see what it looks like on paper, think about it for a moment, then gather my thoughts as to this; if what I want to communicate is without a doubt-

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*logical and make common damn sense

*asking too much 

*sensitive to touch

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Frankly, now that I'm 35- I do gives a fuck. But not to the degree of what others may think.

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I gives a fuck in this way-if what I'm saying can be easily comprehended and if that person I'm conveying this message to truly cares in what I'm saying. 

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So....when I tell people I can't fuck with them anymore instead of just ghosting them, it is me blessing them in their paths without me being a part of it. 

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When I was younger, I cared way too much. I walked on eggshells as to not wanting to be the girl who was too emotional, the girl with too many questions, the woman who stuck things out no matter what. 

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All because I didn't want to lose. Because I was no quitter. And that shit cost me yearssssssssssss. Good years, my 20s. 

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Fast Forward...

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Because I've learned to love me 1st; if it looks fishy, it's tilapia. Call a bait, a bait; a spade, a spade. Communicate for perspective and clarity but press forward. 

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My last relationship took course over a year and a half. I invested a lot into being supportive, in conforming to standards below my norm, and I lost myself. 

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I ended the relationship because the person I thought I knew; I found out I knew nothing about. That shit stung. It took an massive chunk out of my heart out of me, I literally choked on words when I found out Brown Eyes* did not have 1 child that I've come to love as my own, but had a posse of 5. Ages 13, 12, 10, 7 (the one I knew of) and 2. I was with this man for 1.5 years and the true reality hit when I calculated that shit.

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That means when I met him, that baby was 6 months.

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Whhhatttt innnnnn theeeee entiiireeeeeee fuuuuuccckkkkkkk?

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Yes, you read that right, lol. It took some time to get over him, because we developed a routine and yes that D was amazing. Clearly, he had 5 damn kids because of the power of the wood....but overall, that shit was not worth it.

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This is where common sense kicked the FUCK  in: 

Now that I look back at it, the signs were there-

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I only saw him 1x a week although he was 15-20 minutes away on any given day, on Fridays

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He communicated mostly via text, we talked over the phone typically 1x a day

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There was always an excuse to why we didn't go on many dates; mainly b/c he had no sitter for his son

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Money he spent was limited

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We would break up around Holidays- shit I now can say he spent time with his kids and baby mommas and couldn't tell me this bc I was not aware of the Brady Bunch

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All kinds of shit just didn't add up....

 

So when I tell you to use discernment, logic, common sense and to stop making up excuses for people then you'll be able to think with Clarity. 

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Don't be anybody's fool. Don't be looking basic. Use your heart, but think with your head above your shoulders. Don't allow your judgement to be clouded just because you want this shit to work out sooooo bad. Forget that, never sacrifice your comfort and who you are. 

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Love yourself 1st in all you do....that is your foundation. How stable can a home be, if it has no foundation to build on? Read that again....5xs slow until you feel that shit. Now live it.....