My Rough Draft

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Who would imagine being 35 years old & still single? I mean, I have my shit together, like seriously. I’m an MBA Grad with my own car, a house that I own, great credit, and only 1 kid. Like I’m a country girl; that can cook, believes in God, professional entrepreneur with a corporate background. I have no drama and I’m mentally and emotionally balanced. So why the hell am I single at 35 years old?

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Growing Up

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I can’t remember playing with Barbs but I do remember watching Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, The Price is Right, playing games like “School” where I was always the teacher, and Checkers. I have always been really competitive, and I honestly believe that has played a part in my choosing of partners. Alongside being told the typical thing black young girls are told; finish school without getting pregnant, go to college, be successful, you don’t need a man to make you happy or to attribute to your success and in hearing all of this I believe I indirectly reacted to those measures while dating. 

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Level of Acceptance

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The other belief I have is internal as well, that we date at the level we are at mentally. That is a hard pill I’ve had to swallow and it was kind of a big one, so it hurt going down. Damn...that’s the realest thing I think I’ve admitted to. I selected partners based on the level that I've seen myself; my self-esteem, my confidence, my perception of my worth. And in doing so, I’ve picked some pretty shitty people; narcissists, those that were still attached to their ex, men with mommy issues, the list goes on. Everyone of them...left me. I held on even when I should had let the tug of war go, instead I continued to pull and pull even beyond them letting go of the rope...I made myself available. 

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Ironically, I can remember when I dated some really good guys. I mean wholesome, ready for long-term guys, great career and drive, and those are actually the ones I let go. My God, what was I thinking? It’s like some sort of self-sabotage, enjoying the thrill of the roller coaster of drama and inconsistency. And in writing this, it’s a true eye opener. 

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As a Black Single Woman of Success, I have had to make some tough decisions. Choosing a partner, has been 1 of the hardest ones I believe. But with wisdom I’ve gotten better with doing so. In creating a better relationship with God, I’ve learned the importance of patience and worth. My relationship with God has transitioned into believing that I AM of God. That we are all of God, we are God. 

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I don’t attribute my dating in Atlanta to men here, I attribute my experience to my mindset. That is my take on being true to self, responsible, and holding myself accountable. That I was not my best self, so I chose others who were a reflection of that. Now that I’m aware of the worth I posses, the value I add to any type of relationship, and the confidence to choose wisely; my decision making skills has increased immensely. And I’m willing to wait for a man that is aware of his Greatness. We’re both worthy of that and 1 another. 

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Signing off with much luv, 

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Crys